Would the following students please report to Miss Imelda in the study hall?

Frida Giannini;
Christopher Bailey;
Consuelo Castiglioni, and
Roberto Cavalli.

Designers, you are here because of your disappointing results on the recent Accessories Exam. My records indicate that last semester you were in the top 5 percent of all Milanese students who sat the examination. Miss Imelda is at a loss to explain how her best students have become her worst. 

Mr Cavalli, would you stay behind?

The rest of you - dismissed.

Roberto, Miss Imelda is extremely concerned with your recent form. You’re floundering and appear to have lost your vision. I feel it’s best if we hold you back a year. You’ll be required to re-sit the following classes: Glitz, Beading, Slashing, Volume, Sex, and most importantly, Leopard 101.


Runway Report

It wasn’t all disappointment in the Milan Class of A/W 2008 though. Some showed why they are still top of the class…


Dolce & Gabbana

This winter Dolce and Gabbana delivered the death knell to the platform with matronly man style lace ups, ¾ length boots, pumps with loafer vamp treatments - all round-toed, all on a flat single sole and all oh-so-70s.

The clunky heels were stacked or brushed metal with notched rands. Suede in-lays contrasted against succulent ripened cherry crocodile, the crowd-pleasing patchwork combo of pony, croc, and burnished leathers will have the masses storming Via Condotti.

Personally I can’t go past the diamante lace up… place paper bag over mouth, breath slowly and repeat.

Prada

A number of other designers explored sculptured heels last summer, Muccia included, and she continues to refine this bold trend for Autumn.

The laser-cut 3-D heel application (reminiscent of the female anatomy) made Imelda coo with delight. That said, the question of practicality does need to be addressed. Swirling folds of excess fabric flapped from side to side as the models strutted down the catwalk. The moulded set-back heels had a futuristic edge which, side on looked cumbersome; but from behind appeared razor thin.

Excluding the fetish-inspired ankle boot, toe shapes were uniform across all styles proving next Winter it’s hip to be square. The esoteric anomaly was the flesh-coloured elastic baby doll strap. The models required no help keeping the shoes on, the high-riding vamps and pump styling bordered on practical.
The primary colour palette was a lush assortment of warm winter metallics - gold, pewter and bronze in matte leathers or pearlised patents. Fertile autumnal browns, fern green and rusts were complemented by suggestions of bronze and orange.


D&G

Domenico and Stefano opted for the very English and very sensible almond toe penny loafer. Mindful of the brand’s demographic, they thickened up the heel and gave us a ¾ boot version. Purists might argue that the boots are Wannabe’s circa ‘96 – but hey, when in Rome (or Balmoral, in this instance).

If D&G's clothes left me slightly unsure of where exactly pilot had flown me then the footwear colour palette slapped me back into reality: purple, orange, brown, red, natural-toned snake skin, brown and yellow, orange and blue, brown and orange…felice volte, I’m in Milan!

On the web: www.imelda.com.au